So, I succumbed to the crowd and decided to give YouTube another try.
Recently, I have been trying to reignite my Youtube channel, which so far looks promising, but the route I am looking to take feels almost impossible.
I have a bunch of video drafts sitting in my gallery with no hope of seeing the light. To be fair, I haven’t talked to a camera for the longest, so I am giving myself the grace to make as many mistakes as possible.
I find that taking a conscious effort to film a video almost always makes me anxious. I know what I want to talk about, so why do I keep stuttering?
The funny thing is, the problem starts with the introduction. It’s supposed to be the easiest part of the job, but I keep making mistakes that get me surprised.
I know what I want to say!
I know how to say it!
So, what is wrong?
When am I going to film a good video with little to no cuts?
I have been at this for just a week, and to be honest, I don’t want to be hard on myself, so I did a bit of a research and discovered that, thankfully, I am not entirely the problem. A lot of people actually struggle in their first few attempts.And as someone who isn’t the bravest, my anxiety may be doing a tremendous job of keeping me in check.
I found that going live actually felt easier for me, maybe because I get to just freestyle my conversation without thinking too much about being professional.
Why do live streams feel easier than filming a video?
Logically, going live should be scarier. You can’t cut out the awkward parts and people will show up and watch you in real time.
Yet somehow, I feel less pressure. After the first few minutes, it gets easier for me. So why can’t I replicate the same thing in a video I film in my comfort zone?
Writing this post, I finally understood what has been happening.
Whenever I go live, I have already accepted that things might go wrong. I might stumble over my words, forget what I wanted to say, or spend five minutes talking about something completely different from what I had planned. And in all of this, there is no opportunity to stop and start again, so I don’t even bother trying to be perfect.
When I record a video in my presumed comfort zone, I have too much control. I can decide to stop recording and start again. I can delete the entire thing because I hated how I closed my eyes or snapped my tongue or pronounced a word. To me, I can always do a retake or record the same introduction a couple more times because I didn’t like the way I said one particular sentence or pouted my mouth.
Having so much desire to be perfect does make me more anxious than when I have to sit and talk to an anonymous viewer that may never leave a comment.
Sometimes, I watch my videos and feel this utmost disconnect from it. I should have said this better, my voice was too shaky, no one will ever watch this, then comes the delete.
Then record again, and again.
And before I know it, I’ve spent a better part of my day trying to film a simple video that should have taken less than 30 minutes.
Honestly, the need to be perfect is likely the biggest thing I need to overcome. Sometimes, the videos aren’t that bad.
My Resolve #note2self
You are going to stutter sometimes or forget what you wanted to say.
You are probably going to look at the camera and wonder what you’re doing and why you’re doing it in the first place.
You might hate your voice in one video and your face in another.
But that’s okay.
You are learning.
You haven’t done this in a long time, and you’re allowed to be awkward while you figure it out.
Stop deleting every video that doesn’t look like the version you had in your head.
Finish it, watch it, learn from it, and hen let it go.
I am going to keep recording
I am only a week into trying to do this again; so It would be ridiculous to expect myself to suddenly become comfortable on camera after barely giving myself time to get used to it.
Here’s not expecting too much from myself so quick.
I should give myself more grace to simply pull through, finish each video I film, and let them go live. Some may end up being terrible, some might surprise me.
For now, I’ll just keep recording.
I’ll probably record the same introduction more times than I care to admit.
I’ll probably stutter or hate the lookI give at the camera.
I might still be tempted to delete everything.
But I want to see what happens if I keep going anyway.
